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would've, could've, should've

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  welcome back, it's been a while. every so often, i get the urge to try out something new - watercolor painting, making my own candles, creating an insta related to plants or school, rearranging my apartment. it never lasts. it's that short spurt of energy, that newness that creates dopamine temporarily. 2023 has been a difficult year. actually, it all started at the end of 2021, but took until the fall of 2022 to lead into proper burnout. lots of soul-searching and therapy later, here we are. those slow days between the hustle and bustle of christmas and the supposed "big party" of the new year. and as always, you get asked: what are your plans? what do you wish to accomplish in 2024? back in the day, when i was very active on here, i used to believe that the way you spend new years' is gonna determine how the following year is gonna go for you. if that is so, i plan on spending a cozy, happy night doing whatever the fuck i want at any given moment. because that

more love.

 what do you fight for? love. acceptance. freedom. happiness. more love. and it all starts with you.  love yourself. accept yourself. free yourself. be happy with yourself and your life. love yourself more. this is the hard part.  if you're a little like me, struggling and doubting if you're on the right path is part of daily life. there are times, i think i have it all figured out. i am just super happy, simply in the moment, connecting with myself and the people around me. and sooner than later, i find myself isolated, very low on energy, being and feeling alone.  during my high times, i love life. i love myself. i love everyone around me.  during my lows. well, i've gotten better at it. contrary to past times, i now tend to want to work on myself. it's not always happening though.  i am impatient. i have commitment issues. i tend to want to make everyone around me feel happy without attuning to my own needs. i overwork myself and then get overwhelmed and exhausted. i

another way.

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i’ve been in tanzania for a week now. far away from germany, far away from corona. or so it seems.  sure, coming to africa to volunteer was meant to be a vacation with a purpose, but what feels most relaxing is not the new continent, country, people or food; it’s not having to deal with the craziness that surrounds the virus in the western world. life has to go on in tanzania, because life in tanzania doesn’t happen at home behind closed doors, life’s in the streets. it’s together, not apart. it’s loud, not quiet. it’s messy, not orderly. it’s fun if allow yourself to become part of it. at the airport and in western supermarkets they actually make you sanitize your hands and take your temperature before you’re allowed to go further. masks need to (sometimes) be worn in doctors’ offices and some stores. they sell them in the streets and occasionally you see a person in the streets wearing one, but nothin g lik e in germany. in some ways i feel safer, i’m not scared of contracting the vi

better together.

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welcome to africa! after a almost 24 hour trip i made it to arusha, tanzania on thursday, july 9. it started out with rain in my city, rain in amsterdam, rain in dar es salaam, but when we arrived: sunshine in arusha! the beautiful girl hannah i met in amsterdam and me were picked up at kilimanjaro airport thursday morning to start our volunteering adventure out here. my first impressions of tanzania are humbling and exciting! life is the opposite of our western way. everything is pole pole , much slower and relaxed. you see women carrying heavy things like food on their heads. you see the small shelters where they are selling something right by the main streets. almost all of the other roads are not paved. you see men caring for their goats and oxes by the roadside. sunflowers and corn grows left and right, sometimes not a foot away from the street. it’s a completely different world, a very beautiful one if you come here with an open mind and heart. the first day consisted of getting

hakuna matata.

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hello, old friend. so we meet again. how are you?  i am very well, thank you. i've been gone for a while since you know, life happens. some things have changed, others have stayed the same. i fell in and out of love. i moved places and ended up where i started. i found inner happiness through therapy. i lost friends and found new ones. the world is ever moving, sometimes spinning faster than other times. especially right now, a lot seems to change. for me, there are some things that will never change: my love for music. my passion for making this world a better place. and my undying love for travel. so here we go again. even though there is a pandemic happening, in less than a week i fulfill a livelong dream. and boy has it been a struggle to get here. but let me start in the beginning: i was 8 years old when the lion king came out. yes, that animated disney movie. i was hooked immediately. to this day, it's my favorite. about 10 years later, i saw the musical for the first ti

what would love do?

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i totally forgot about concerts, sunsets and flirting. but i mentioned the most important one: love. love is all around. love is the most important thing. but what is love? i have no idea. so don't take it too serious what i' going to talk about. there are many people i love. i love my parents, my brother, my friends and my best friend. i love all the good people on this planet and since i believe there's something good in everyone of us, i love them all. this is one kind of love. a feeling of a strong connection between me and people i know or meet. but every love is different. my family is important to me, but i don't miss them every day. my friends back in germany [or wherelse in the world they might be] are super important to me too and i love them. having friends in your life is probably the most important thing, having a soulmate is definitly the most important thing. and it's a special kind of love. different from the others. i miss her and