what would love do?

i totally forgot about concerts, sunsets and flirting. but i mentioned the most important one: love.

love is all around. love is the most important thing. but what is love? i have no idea.

so don't take it too serious what i' going to talk about.

there are many people i love. i love my parents, my brother, my friends and my best friend. i love all the good people on this planet and since i believe there's something good in everyone of us, i love them all. this is one kind of love. a feeling of a strong connection between me and people i know or meet. but every love is different. my family is important to me, but i don't miss them every day. my friends back in germany [or wherelse in the world they might be] are super important to me too and i love them. having friends in your life is probably the most important thing, having a soulmate is definitly the most important thing. and it's a special kind of love. different from the others. i miss her and i don't want to lose her at any point in my life. because that's a connection that will last longer than any dating-relationship. it doesn't matter how far away you live from each other, which other girls we are seeing and meeting, who we are dating or which clothes we are wearing. i love her and she is so perfect that i don't even get annoyed by habits that usually do annoy me. well, i don't know how to describe this love, but it's a safe and pure one. it's about seeing the beauty in each other and supporting each other along the way and being there for each other in every possible situation.

and then i fall in love. actually, i did just once so far.

and i think what i felt, is the following...

love - how a teenager would describe it. and i think that's how it should feel. i was was overwhelmed when i first felt it. i was shaking everytime i was close to him, nervous like a little kid. everytime i left and he held me like that the night before...

i was smiling all the way. this is the best feeling in the world. being in love. waking up and seeing the person you love lying right next to you, holding you. or watching him sleep. touching his hair, seeing the beauty in the one you love. when you're in love everything about the other person is beautiful. it's true when they say that love makes blind. if you're really in love you don't see the mistakes or they are cute, not that important or you think you'll be able to fix them over time. you think of the other person at least half the day, are day-dreaming about you being together and everytime you do you have that strange smile on your face. all you want to talk about to your best friend is him...how he smells, what he said, his smile, his actions. all these are indicators that you are in love. but is this love? or just a crush?

i believe that when the other person feels the same [i haven't been that lucky] it can become something big. you will be crazy about each other. everything you think about includes him and the only place safe in the world is in his arms. 

“Without you in my arms, I feel an emptiness in my soul. I find myself searching the crowds for your face - I know it’s an impossibility, but I cannot help myself.” 

— Nicholas Sparks

but the point is, if you want this love to last, you have to be loved right back. i'm starting to lose it. i want to be the lucky one, but right now i am not.

“They say true love only comes around once and you have to hold out and be strong until then. I have been waiting. I have been searching. I am a man under the moon, walking the streets of earth until dawn. There’s got to be someone for me. It’s not too much to ask. Just someone to be with. Someone to love. Someone to give everything to. Someone.” 

— Henry Rollins

lately, i've been thinking about love a lot. i met some other guys last weekend, guys who want to go out with me, tell me that i am beautiful [sober] and are just acting like i want the guy i love to act. so i start to think about whether this is a way i should go. having a 'safe' boyfriend, someone who loves you. someone who treats you well and you like, too. but it's not that overwhelming, freaky feeling. i started a relationship based on those kind of 'butterflies' once before. it wasn't that great feeling that i'd call love.

how will you love now that you know what love can do?

- jason mraz

feeling love once made me realize this:

because there will come a time someone will realize who i am. and i will love that someone for who he is. for what he makes me feel when i am with him. 

last weekend, one of those guys asked me what i am looking for in a relationship or a guy. "i don't know, i will see it when i meet him.". when everything fits. i have no idea. it just has to be this feeling i described before. i have to love his face, i need to want to kiss him all the time, make him smile. that's the irrational stuff. and then the brain kicks in. "he needs to like to travel, live the life i live. he needs to be smart, challenging me. and he needs to care about me even if we're surrounded by hundreds of other beautiful girls." uhm, yeah.

"what if you meet the one? would you stay here in the US and not go to bali, australia and new zealand? would you stay for him and have kids in the future" he asked me. would i? i like to think that i am so independent to don't do that. i saw so many people give up their dreams for guy and then breaking up. so would i leave even if he could be the one? i think i would change, honestly. now that i saw love i really think i would let down all my guards and just enjoy this love. i'm afraid i would give up on myself again though. to forget about myself.

but that's not the way it should go. if two people love each other the same way, everyone should still be and still live a part of the life he used to. everyone should still love themselves. and that's where it all starts i guess. i feel like you should love yourself first. not wait for someone to make you feel complete. you are perfect already. so you have to be happy on your own, have to know what makes you happy. 

“The secret isn’t to find someone you love spending time with, I love spending time with a lot of people. The secret isn’t to find someone that you find attractive. I find a lot of people attractive for many different reasons. The secret isn’t to find someone who is nice, there are tons of nice people in the world.

The secret is to find someone who wants exactly what you want. Someone who is ready to give you all they’ve got, and in turn be ready to accept all the love you have to give. The world is filled with people in relationship teeter-totters of “loves you more” + “i have to act mean so they will like me back” or “I am just not ready”. Please do not waste any more of your precious time. You are an amazing creature. You deserve to be loved until your insides melt. Don’t give up on all the things you want. When you meet the right person you will have zero doubt in your mind. zero.” 

— Keltie Colleen

until i have zero doubt in my mind i try to be love. love the one next to you. it is fun and the world needs more freaking crazy love. everytime you are in doubt what to do or how to react ask yourself "what would love do?". 

be a love-transceiver.

i am looking for love. real love. ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each other-LOVE.

this blog is inspired by http://iheartlove.tumblr.com/ - my favorite blog ever. it is about the most important thing in life. i took many pictures and quotes from there. the posts are all true. they are inspiring. i am thankful for a blog like that.